Life “Truths”

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So, last night I spotted a leprechaun running towards the end of this rainbow! I must emphasize, meeting a leprechaun had been my life’s dream! I’d kept every depiction of these creatures that I’d come across. 
 Engaged in physical yard work, I’d decided to leave my glasses indoors for safe keeping. Naturally, I gave chase. 
As I sit here, in my tomato juice bath, praying this laptop remains on the edge of the tub, I would like to alert the local school, newspaper, and television station to the fact that I’m about to sue for spreading false and injurious information. I’m tearing down every crayon drawing of a leprechaun published by this “rag of lies,” that has been taped to my fridge since Saint Paddy’s Day.
Unfortunately, someone told me that including the entire kindergarten through grade three classes, in my suit was not feasible, so I urge all parents to educate your young about the truths of these vile creatures. 
* They are not friendly!
* If they TURN their backs towards you and STAMP their feet, RUN! What you get next is NOT gold, NOR does it taste like Skittles!
NO Tommy! This is just plain wrong!

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