Years ago, when I was a Correctional Officer at Kingston Penitentiary, separating the two worlds of prison and personal life was vital to maintaining mental, physical, and relationship health.
Access in and out of the massive complex was via a heavy, eight-inch-thick, steel door, that could only be unlocked by an officer working a control inside. It would close with a thunderous bang. This entry/exit point was called the North Gate.
When I arrived, the sound would remind me that I’d entered a different world, one in which the abnormal became normal. After a shift where anything and everything did happen, the sound of that door banging shut would be my cue to leave the day’s drama behind. I’d step out onto the sidewalk where cars and cyclists sped by, and parents pushed their babies in strollers, oblivious to the walled world they passed. I had just reentered the normal.
This post is not about prison or my past life, it’s about you and how you choose to close the door on 2020 . . . a year of abnormalities that became normal. How do you heal from this and move on?
Unfortunately, we will all carry some scars from this past year, depending on your experience and resilience . . . everyone will be affected. I’m not trying to be negative, just realistic, that’s just the way the human brain works.
Now for the positive . . . you can heal from this and move on. Yes, I know that the abnormal continues into 2021, but there are some signs that we are turning a corner. Vaccines are rolling out, and hopefully those who need it most will receive it soon.
So many things happen that we are not in control of, but we are gifted with the ability to control our thoughts, and if we cannot stop the obsessive ones, to seek help.
Thoughts beget emotions, which beget actions.
My father, a wise man, used to say, ”Garbage in, garbage out.” If you feed your mind bad thoughts, your emotions will follow.
So now might be a good time to think about a way to close that heavy door and move forward to a life of peace.
A few things that may help:
-develop an exercise routine and stick with it (plenty of exercise videos available, if you are confined to an apartment)
-get professional help; many clinics offer virtual meetings
-find positive distractions
-develop an attitude of gratitude; there is still good in this world and always something to be thankful for
-practice mindfulness; live in the present
-talk to a trusted friend
-meditate
-pray
-use the Capture/Check/Change method for dealing with negative thoughts. This one takes some practice. It works like this: As soon as a negative thought comes, you Capture it, then Check to see its validity, finish off with Changing the thought with a positive (might I suggest the attitude of gratitude)
-seal off those bad thoughts in an airtight container. It was a heavy metal door for me, yours could be a large safe, an indestructible bubble made from Hubba Bubba gum, or a titanium box . . . whatever you choose, try to stuff all those baddies in there and seal them off.
You are not alone in all of this and it too, shall pass. There is still hope and good in this world.
I wish you and your families all these best in this upcoming year. Stay safe!
Mark Bierman 