Ramblings of a pale-fingered, “Green Thumb.”

These days, I’m expanding my horizons and have been working with a local company that designs and maintains some lavish gardens. Being a greenhorn means that my green thumb is a very light shade of whitish. Needless to say, my question to answer ratio is drastically unbalanced, but hey, I’m loving the journey.  

One of my biggest concerns is mistakenly yanking out a prized flower. A challenge made even harder as most plants haven’t flowered yet.

So, to avoid trouble, I’ve done my level-headed best at recognizing and retaining the appearance of different leaves and seedlings. I’m slowly learning the proper names, but for those that I don’t, I have a “highly specialized” classification system.

Here goes:

A Something: No idea what it is. Yes, there’s something sticking out of the dirt, but I am unable to determine whether it is a weed or a flower. I need to go and ask.

A Thing: Hands off! Still have no idea what the heck it is, but this is a no go for a pull. Yes, I was told what it was, but can’t remember the name.  

Not a thing: Grip and pull! It’s either a weed, a nasty intruder, or the owner just wants it gone. I’ve already been given the green light by the experts, but I forget the name.

Yes, okay, now you’ve been given the code, no red pills required if you are captured by the enemy, though I’m not sure who that could be.

Anyways, I thought it might be fun to create a fictional account of how things might go if I was gardening at home and left to my own destruction.

“Doh! What did I just pull out?”

“Dad? Dad! What did you just shove into your pocket?”

“Oh, um, just a few somethings.”

“Oh no! No! No! Those were Mom’s favorites! I can’t believe you did that! Mom! Mo—”

“Shush! Alright it was just a few things, look, they’re not a thing, really.”

“Not a thing? They’re everything! Those were five orchid seedlings!”

“Really? These grassy things? They looked like weeds.”

“Nope! Definitely somethings and more that, they were a thing! Even in your garden speak.”  

“But how was I supposed to know? None of them even had petals yet. Please tell me these weren’t those reddish, yellowish, and black, weird shaped—”

“Lady’s Slipper Orchids. Yes, the seeds she pointed out at the garden store, and said that she couldn’t wait to see bloom.”

“Look, can we make a deal or something?”

“I’m listening.”

“Well, what if we say that this was the work of a vole.”

“A vole? Is that a thing?”

“Sheesh, kid! You want to hear my proposal or not? Yes, a vole is a thing. It tunnels underground, and sucks down plants from their root. Just like spaghetti. A pack of them are called Doozers. Oh, and they love radishes, too, so we need to watch out for that.”

“Google . . . what is a vole?”

“Ah sheesh! Should have known you would’ve brought that thing out here.”

“A vole is a small rodent about the size of a mouse that dwells primarily above ground. Voles sometimes use tunnels created by moles to feed on plant structures underground. Voles—”

“Oh, shut that silly thing off, would you? See? Even Google agrees with me.”

“Okay, I’ll go with it. But you do the talking, and maybe you should leave out the ridiculous reference to Fraggle Rock.”

“Huh? How’d you know about that show?”

“YouTube. You’re aware that there are more things on there, than just tutorials on how to repair car thingies.”

“Touché.”

“What’s going on you two? You look like you’re up to something.”

“Busted.”

“Sucks to be you too. I was gonna’ buy you a thing, but now you’ll get nothing.”

Making The Best Of It

Well, this morning I woke to a sore throat and cough; a rapid test confirmed that I am the “gracious” host of COVID. Whoo-whoo, it’s like winning the lottery when every ticket has the same number. No worries, it feels just like a cold. Any how, I’m currently confined to our home office/guest room.

I must say that I’ve accomplished quite a bit of writing, and have devised a clever means by which I hope to obtain sustenance and comforts.

Check it out! I haven’t officially tested this baby, as no one is currently home, but I’m sure everyone will be more than excited to answer the bell. Mwwwhahaha! The sky’s the limit! I can’t wait! 🙂

Who’s the Boss?

Who’s the Boss? Our pets or us? Yes, they give us joy, company, affection, and life would be dull without them, but we do feed and house them. Let’s face it, we’re suckers for our pets. 🙂

There’s no shirking of duties when Sage is around.

“Make him share, Dad, or I will!”

Total anarchy!!

Thank you Lord, for windows, get away cars, catnip, and bedroom doors that can be closed when you’re asleep!

Wacky Word Quiz

Happy Saturday! The weekend is here and we’ve been freezing our keisters up here, in the attic of North America. Now, to go with that mug of coffee, I’ve brought you another round of the wacky word quiz. So, yay! Don’t worry, it’s short. 🙂

Those who’ve been following my blog for awhile, you know what to do. Well, not that it’s overly complicated. Quite simple really.

Each word will have four possible definitions, of course, only one will be right. You can put your guesses in the ‘Comments’ section, or not, and I’ll be back to reveal (Ta-da!) the correct one in my next blog post.

As before, I’ll ask each of you to practice ‘Googlestraint” (made that one up myself, my Mom is so proud . . . um, I think.) In plain English, please do not ask Google or any other ‘know-it-all’ virtual entity.

Here we go!

Gubbins:

A: odds and ends

B: small clumps of porridge that stick to the sides of a pot or bowl

C: antiquated term for gout, as in, “Sally! I’ve got the gubbins again.”

D: A nineteenth century term coined by pickpockets when they get extra and unwanted items while plying their craft. “Pshaw! A used nose mucker! The most disgusting gubbins I’ve ever had!”

Argle-bargle:

A: The malformed stamen on a Banana Shrub

B: A derogatory term for a nineteenth century lumberjack who is incapable of sawing in a straight line.

C: too much pointless talking or writing

D: A shady deal in which the victim loses a significant sum.

Erf:

A: A slang term for the bracket fungi that grows on rotting tree stumps.

B: parcel of land

C: antiquated slang for vomiting “Ah! Jeb just erfed inside my new carriage!”

D: Derogatory term for someone who never tries to succeed.

Cacodemonomania:

A: The fear of long words.

B: The belief and fear that every planet in our solar system will eventually be sucked into the sun.

C: The belief and fear that one is possessed by an evil spirit.

D: The belief and fear that animals (monkeys in particular) are plotting to take over the world.

Photos with Captions to Make You Smile & Think

I’m writing this on my back deck, bundled in a hoodie, too stubborn to admit that summer’s slipping away into fall. But hey, a bit of harmless denial can be fun. Right?

I just realized that my last post with this title was on June 30, so maybe it’s time to digitally lob a few more of these pics your way.

Hey, why should Mr. Wile E. Coyote have all the fun?

It takes guts to throw your work out there.

Yes, I’ve been told that it works with laptops too. Desk top computers, not so much. Sooo much fun for those of us on a budget!

I think the book may have been this tree’s relative.