When a Hippo hollers!

When a hippo hollers, does anyone listen? I mean really pay attention to what it’s saying. All we hear is, “Rrrrrr! Rrrrr!” like a faulty chainsaw trying to start. Which, with our negative perspective, we immediately assume translates to, “Kill! Kill!”

But what if this massive barge of flesh is actually saying, “Hey friend, I have this here piece of canoe stuck in my gums, can you help a fellow mammal out?”

Happy Saturday, everyone! I live in a pretty rural area, with plenty of wildlife (hippos don’t like snow, so I’m marked ‘safe’ from them). I do, however, enjoy the company of many fur-bearing friends, so I’ve posted a few photos with some captions of what they most certainly are thinking. Enjoy!

 

deerdeer

“Frank! It’s the paparazzi again! I TOLD you to find a different lawn!”

 

peterrabbit

“Everyone, freeze! Pray it doesn’t think we’re made of chocolate!”

 

young-fallow-deer-kitz-fallow-deer-fur-60555.jpeg

“MOM! Come here QUICK! It’s a two legged walking stick! Ewwww! Bring a leaf and squish it pleeeaaasssee!” 

 

cownose

“You smell like ketchup, mustard, onions, lettuce, tomato, kaiser bun,  and . . . oh my gosh!”

 

Pandaeating

“No dummy, we DO NOT eat noodles or know kung-fu!”

A final encore . . .

Lostturkeys

“We’re LOST AGAIN, aren’t we Tom? How many times do I have to tell you to ask for directions!”

A Haircut Too Far!

Okay, so let’s find a large cardboard box to climb into and imagine it’s the DeLorean from Back To The Future. Those of you with artistic tendencies may opt for detailing the exterior to mimic the real thing. That’s fine with me.

Now, we’ll set the dial for the not-so-distant date of yesterday! Twenty-four hours ago, my COVID19 hairstyle resembled a shave brush. Yes, it grows straight up and out.

Enough was enough and on a recent trip to town, I had Tanya pick up hair clippers.

About an hour later, seated on a lawn chair on the back deck, with pedestal mirror in hand, I commenced my first-ever self-propelled haircut. Now, this skull rug is no stranger to the clippers, but they’re usually handled by a professional.

I shrugged off the clipper guides and went bare blade. Who cares in this new reality? It could be two moons before my next shearing.

I dug in deep and soon clumps of hair, with far too much gray, tumble weeded across the deck, entangling any unfortunate insect that crossed its path.

Our youngest daughter came out to observe and uttered the words every father “wants” to hear. “Dad, you look creepy!”

A courageous youngster, she pushed her disgust aside and offered to help, which I took gratefully. She worked the back, but eventually proclaimed it hopeless and suggested Tanya finish the job.

I must say the pruning was most liberating! I swear I’ve developed a sixth sense; I mean, I can feel everything! The last time I was this bald, my behind was wrapped in diapers.

My head is now an organic weather satellite, at one with the jet streams. I’m certain that no butterfly can pass above without my detection.

Proud of the newly acquired ability, I went to peacock my new look to our oldest. If I’d entered her room with my nose cut off, her face would have betrayed less horror.

Humbled, I exited quickly, but not before I heard her whisper these words to her classmates on Zoom. “My Dad just cut his hair and it’s frightening!”

Oh well, hair grows back and I’m saving on shampoo.

In the meantime, I’m grateful to the professional folks at North Shore Construction for gifting me with the perfect shame saver.

baldy

Creepy!

Northshorelid

The remedy!

Word Quiz Answers Revealed!

Because it’s Saturday, and I don’t want anyone doing homework on a weekend, I’m going to end your suffering. So, put down those Latin study books, and just scroll down. The great unknown is about to become less mysterious.

Thank you for playing this barmy (silly) word quiz, but I don’t think Jim would  be grateful for being called a glutton (edacious). The good news is, unless your date is extremely sensitive, you probably won’t get flak for complimenting her/his armpits (oxters), but it may still be enough to quash a budding romance.

Now, drumroll please, take a deep breath and prepare to be schooled in the bizarre:

markinstock

Ulotrichous

This joker is being punished because he spends hours working his naturally wooly and crispy hair with a straight iron.

 

pinkhockeybag

Doodle Sack

To some, it may sound profane, even painful, but playing/listening to the Bagpipes is a traditional and emotional experience for many.

 

handhalloween

Tittynope

If you have daughters of dating age, you can use this word before tossing her boyfriend out the door. I mean, how dare he fail to eat the small quantity of leftover meatloaf on his plate!

 

cathungry

Kakorrhaphiophobia

Try saying this word five times fast, and you will probably develop a fear of failure!

Now go back to bed! It’s too early to be up. Have a great weekend!

 

 

 

 

 

Another Barmy Word Quiz.

Put your ‘thinking caps’ on! It’s time for another word quiz. The answers will be revealed in the next blog.

Yes, these are all real words, I didn’t make them up. Impress your pals at the Super Bowl Party. Jim really wants to be asked the meaning of edacious, with a mouthful of nachos and salsa dripping from his chin onto his 49ers jersey.

Win your date’s heart by complimenting her beautiful oxters. You’re welcome!

Time to play. As in the last word quiz, please practice ‘Googlestraint.’  (I coined that one, no copyright permission required). You can write your answers in the comments section.

Here we go!

markinstock

Ulotrichous

A: An act of disrespect towards royalty

B: Having wooly or crispy hair

C: Parent or guardian who is abusive towards his/her children

D: One who is difficult to reason with

 

pinkhockeybag

Doodle Sack

A: A satchell used to carry odds and ends

B: Offensive slang term for male genitalia

C: Bagpipe

D: A term for one who paints or draws graffitti everywhere

 

Tittynope

A: Slang term for refusal to enter an area where creepy, crawlies exist. Such as cellars, attics, and seedy drinking establishments.  Basically, “Not going in there!”

B: Hemp rope used on ships from 16th to the early 19th century

C: A small quantity of something leftover

D:  Slang term for a part on a train coupler, officially called a ‘Hole Cap’

 

Kakorrhaphiophobia

A: Fear of being watched

B: Fear of failure

C: Fear of insects that hop

D: Fear of rejection

Thanks for playing!