Ramblings of a pale-fingered, “Green Thumb.”

These days, I’m expanding my horizons and have been working with a local company that designs and maintains some lavish gardens. Being a greenhorn means that my green thumb is a very light shade of whitish. Needless to say, my question to answer ratio is drastically unbalanced, but hey, I’m loving the journey.  

One of my biggest concerns is mistakenly yanking out a prized flower. A challenge made even harder as most plants haven’t flowered yet.

So, to avoid trouble, I’ve done my level-headed best at recognizing and retaining the appearance of different leaves and seedlings. I’m slowly learning the proper names, but for those that I don’t, I have a “highly specialized” classification system.

Here goes:

A Something: No idea what it is. Yes, there’s something sticking out of the dirt, but I am unable to determine whether it is a weed or a flower. I need to go and ask.

A Thing: Hands off! Still have no idea what the heck it is, but this is a no go for a pull. Yes, I was told what it was, but can’t remember the name.  

Not a thing: Grip and pull! It’s either a weed, a nasty intruder, or the owner just wants it gone. I’ve already been given the green light by the experts, but I forget the name.

Yes, okay, now you’ve been given the code, no red pills required if you are captured by the enemy, though I’m not sure who that could be.

Anyways, I thought it might be fun to create a fictional account of how things might go if I was gardening at home and left to my own destruction.

“Doh! What did I just pull out?”

“Dad? Dad! What did you just shove into your pocket?”

“Oh, um, just a few somethings.”

“Oh no! No! No! Those were Mom’s favorites! I can’t believe you did that! Mom! Mo—”

“Shush! Alright it was just a few things, look, they’re not a thing, really.”

“Not a thing? They’re everything! Those were five orchid seedlings!”

“Really? These grassy things? They looked like weeds.”

“Nope! Definitely somethings and more that, they were a thing! Even in your garden speak.”  

“But how was I supposed to know? None of them even had petals yet. Please tell me these weren’t those reddish, yellowish, and black, weird shaped—”

“Lady’s Slipper Orchids. Yes, the seeds she pointed out at the garden store, and said that she couldn’t wait to see bloom.”

“Look, can we make a deal or something?”

“I’m listening.”

“Well, what if we say that this was the work of a vole.”

“A vole? Is that a thing?”

“Sheesh, kid! You want to hear my proposal or not? Yes, a vole is a thing. It tunnels underground, and sucks down plants from their root. Just like spaghetti. A pack of them are called Doozers. Oh, and they love radishes, too, so we need to watch out for that.”

“Google . . . what is a vole?”

“Ah sheesh! Should have known you would’ve brought that thing out here.”

“A vole is a small rodent about the size of a mouse that dwells primarily above ground. Voles sometimes use tunnels created by moles to feed on plant structures underground. Voles—”

“Oh, shut that silly thing off, would you? See? Even Google agrees with me.”

“Okay, I’ll go with it. But you do the talking, and maybe you should leave out the ridiculous reference to Fraggle Rock.”

“Huh? How’d you know about that show?”

“YouTube. You’re aware that there are more things on there, than just tutorials on how to repair car thingies.”

“Touché.”

“What’s going on you two? You look like you’re up to something.”

“Busted.”

“Sucks to be you too. I was gonna’ buy you a thing, but now you’ll get nothing.”

Photos with Captions to Make you Smile and Think

Friday’s rolled around again, and to kick the weekend off I’ve posted a few photos from my Instagram. Enjoy and have a great weekend.


Available for rent . . . this spring!

When you’re on a budget and you won’t sacrifice your latte for a quality book cover photo. 🙂

Sooo… does anyone ELSE pretend to be a superhero emerging from the hideout to fight the villain, while they’re waiting for the garage door to open?

Adventures on My Trail Cam, Part Two

Happy Friyay! It’s been about one month since I first posted some videos of our local fauna. Well today, I bring you the best and brightest- uh, well, maybe the most curious.

These videos were captured on a pair of trail cams, set up in the back woods of our property. For those of you who’ve missed the first series, just click here, to be transported back in time: https://markbierman.wordpress.com/2021/06/23/adventures-on-my-trail-cam/ \

Here to greet us, is Miss Cervidae, 2021! She’s trying to teach her younger sister, (see uninterested sister in the background) how one goes about showing off her best features, before closing in for the “money shot”!

You might want some company for this one! The most adorable phantom you’ll ever see.

“Mmmmmm! What’s that smell? Apples? Do I smell apples? Hmmm . . . doesn’t look like one. Could be genetically modified, better give it a pass.”

My absolute fav! Do this: concentrate on the bottom left (your left) hand corner and play it on regular speed. See anything? Now, take your cursor and slow down the video, keeping your eye on the same spot. Don’t blink, or you’ll miss it!

Okay, the last video didn’t translate well to YouTube, if you couldn’t see the creature, scroll down for a snapshot.

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Bugger moves lightening quick! It shows up like this on my trail cam video.

Adventures On My Trail Cam

We’ve lived on our beautiful country lot since 2004, and in all those years have been treated to an abundance of wildlife. In my yard, I’ve seen bears, wolves, coyotes, even a bull moose (highly unusual since we’re too far south for most). Our property is around ten acres, with forest and field on just about every side, so I mentioned to my wife about setting up a trail cam in our backwoods, to see what it would capture.

Well, the wonderful woman went out and bought me two! I set them to ‘video’ and set them up. It didn’t take long for me to get some spectacular clips of our local wildlife, and I wanted to share them with you.

First up, we have Mr. Wile E Coyote. He was most curious and wary of the strange one eyed creature in the tree.

Randolph was another mystified denizen of the local flora.

Here, we can see that Randolph is contemplating the possible truth behind Orwell’s 1987!

Has the Loch Ness Monster become a land dwelling beast?

Warning: Sensitive and disturbing content, may frighten some viewers! We end with the most dangerous and elusive of all fearsome forest creatures.

Photos with Captions, to Make You Smile and Think

It’s Cinco de Mayo, which is a holiday that celebrates the date of the Mexican army’s May 5, 1862 victory over France at the Battle of Puebla during the Franco-Mexican War.  It’s also a rainy Wednesday, up here, in the Great Green North.

It’s been raining for most of the past week and I don’t want to hear anything more about what the rains bring. 🙂 Besides, it’s May, not April, so the little rhyme no longer applies. Anyhow, just thought I bring out some of these photos with captions, to hopefully brighten the day.

When someone asks, “Are you still working on your book?”

Most writers: “Always.”