These days, Iβm expanding my horizons and have been working with a local company that designs and maintains some lavish gardens. Being a greenhorn means that my green thumb is a very light shade of whitish. Needless to say, my question to answer ratio is drastically unbalanced, but hey, Iβm loving the journey.
One of my biggest concerns is mistakenly yanking out a prized flower. A challenge made even harder as most plants havenβt flowered yet.
So, to avoid trouble, Iβve done my level-headed best at recognizing and retaining the appearance of different leaves and seedlings. Iβm slowly learning the proper names, but for those that I donβt, I have a βhighly specializedβ classification system.
Here goes:
A Something: No idea what it is. Yes, thereβs something sticking out of the dirt, but I am unable to determine whether it is a weed or a flower. I need to go and ask.
A Thing: Hands off! Still have no idea what the heck it is, but this is a no go for a pull. Yes, I was told what it was, but canβt remember the name.
Not a thing: Grip and pull! Itβs either a weed, a nasty intruder, or the owner just wants it gone. Iβve already been given the green light by the experts, but I forget the name.
Yes, okay, now youβve been given the code, no red pills required if you are captured by the enemy, though Iβm not sure who that could be.
Anyways, I thought it might be fun to create a fictional account of how things might go if I was gardening at home and left to my own destruction.
βDoh! What did I just pull out?β
βDad? Dad! What did you just shove into your pocket?β
βOh, um, just a few somethings.β
βOh no! No! No! Those were Momβs favorites! I canβt believe you did that! Mom! Moββ
βShush! Alright it was just a few things, look, theyβre not a thing, really.β
βNot a thing? Theyβre everything! Those were five orchid seedlings!β
βReally? These grassy things? They looked like weeds.β
βNope! Definitely somethings and more that, they were a thing! Even in your garden speak.β
βBut how was I supposed to know? None of them even had petals yet. Please tell me these werenβt those reddish, yellowish, and black, weird shapedββ
βLadyβs Slipper Orchids. Yes, the seeds she pointed out at the garden store, and said that she couldnβt wait to see bloom.β
βLook, can we make a deal or something?β
βIβm listening.β
βWell, what if we say that this was the work of a vole.β
βA vole? Is that a thing?β
βSheesh, kid! You want to hear my proposal or not? Yes, a vole is a thing. It tunnels underground, and sucks down plants from their root. Just like spaghetti. A pack of them are called Doozers. Oh, and they love radishes, too, so we need to watch out for that.β
βGoogle . . . what is a vole?β
βAh sheesh! Should have known you wouldβve brought that thing out here.β
βA vole is a small rodent about the size of a mouse that dwells primarily above ground. Voles sometimes use tunnels created by moles to feed on plant structures underground. Volesββ
βOh, shut that silly thing off, would you? See? Even Google agrees with me.β
βOkay, Iβll go with it. But you do the talking, and maybe you should leave out the ridiculous reference to Fraggle Rock.β
βHuh? Howβd you know about that show?β
βYouTube. Youβre aware that there are more things on there, than just tutorials on how to repair car thingies.β
βTouchΓ©.β
βWhatβs going on you two? You look like youβre up to something.β
βBusted.β
βSucks to be you too. I was gonnaβ buy you a thing, but now youβll get nothing.β
My kind of tutorial! Will keep it in mind next time I hold a spade in the garden
Thank you
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Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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Thank you!
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Gorgeous write, Mark….loved it!! Looking forward to many more “gardening” episodes π
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Thank you!
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Loved it, Mark! Good luck with your gardening! π
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Thanks, Yevette. I’ll need it. π
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Lol, this would work for my hubby, as well. He’s colorblind and can’t see worth a darn on top of it, but loves his garden- including the (weeds) naturals, as he calls them π
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I like your husbands description of weeds as naturals. I think it’s all a matter of opinion anyways. Thanks for stopping by, Jacqui.
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Bravo! Well done! Clever and full of whimsy. Thanks for a very enjoyable garden visit.
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Thank you, Tara. I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
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Around here, if Iβm not sure, I give it a week, especially after having torn out half a bed of bergamot once in early spring, thinking it was weeds!
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Delightful story, Mark. That would be about like me. No… I’d be much worse. LOL. Hugs on the wing.
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Thanks, Teagan. I’m flying blind most of the time. Just glad I have some experts around me to help.
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Ha! Ha! Too funny! Love it. π
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Thanks, Jan. I’m glad you enjoyed it. π
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I can’t begin to imagine the complexity of horticulture. Kudos to you, Mark!
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Me neither, Jacqui. π Thanks for the kind words.
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Funny story, but so realistic, at least in my family. Thing, thingy, and thingamajig are my go-to nouns for more things than I care to count. Wishing you the best with your gardening!
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Thanks, Patty. There’s far more to learn than about this gardening thing, than I ever could have imagined. π
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You’re funny! I am not a gardener in training or otherwise, so I shall vicariously embrace gardening through you. π
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Thanks, Annette. It’s been quite a learning curve. π
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Very funny, Mark – a real life drama. You must be learning a lot about gardening. Toni x
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Thanks Toni. Yes, I really am learning all kinds of things. There’s far more to gardening than I expected.
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This was great, Mark! Thanks for sharing. Enjoy the weekend!
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Thanks, Jill. Have a great weekend!
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That was totally hilarious, Mark. The explanation of terminology was a great set up and the story was a hoot. Love it.
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Thanks, Diana. I’m glad you enjoyed it. π
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It was great because we all share that code in one way or another.
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π
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Ha ha ha! Love it!!
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Thanks, Liz. I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
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You’re welcome,Mark.
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It sounds like he was going to plant those orchids he picked as seedlings and give them to her later.
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Yes, that’s what he would say. π
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If it comes out easily itβs a valuable plant, if it is impossible to tug out itβs a weed.
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So true. π
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Ah, so that’s it!
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That is the best definition ever, and so true!
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I agree.
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Hahaha! Loved it.You are quite the Gardener-in-training!ππ
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You bet! π
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