What if Trees could think and Talk?

Happy Halloween! Here I sit pecking away at the keyboard like a hen in the dirt, my only sources of light are a desk lamp and the glow of this screen. Behind me is a window that’s currently more of a dark mirror than a view of our driveway.

Yup, Halloween 2020 and later today, we’ll be setting up a candy scavenger hunt for our kids that’ll take place this evening in our yard (some glow tape will be wrapped around the packaging to make things a little easier).

Just an interesting factoid, before I get to the promised tree-thingy. On the radio yesterday, I heard that this will be the first time since 1944 that we will have a full moon on Halloween . . . anyone else hearing Warren Zevon’s – “Werewolves Of London”? At the end the radio announcer said, “What do you expect, it’s 2020.”

Ummm . . . well yes, but, in 1944 the world was still in the grips of WWII, I’m sure those must have been strange and scary times, too.

So, yesterday, as I was out for a walk and admiring the flora, my kooky mind decided to explore a ‘what if’. What if trees, just for one night, let’s say, Halloween, could think and talk? Would they compare bark complexion? Gripe about never getting to redeem points on their travel reward cards, or perhaps the loud mouthed crows that perch on their limbs? When they creak in the wind, are they really groaning about aches and pains, especially the oaks. Ya, they seem like whiners to me, and they do get really old. So here’s my compilation, there’s a few of them, maybe I got carried away, but I think it’s important that someone speaks for these stoic sentinels that do so much for us. 🙂

“So you actually stay the same color all year? (snicker) Ooo . . . looks like someone’s green with envy!”
“Hayyy, Tony, ya ‘no watt? I thinnk we’ve jus’ mite ‘ave had tooo mush, sap.”
“Why, you young whippersapling! All you do all day is show off! It’s like ‘Look at me! I still have some hair and all my branches!’ Just wait till some beetle bores into you someday!”
“My two-hundreth birthday and they dress me up like a preschooler’s playground!”
“Thirty-years! Thirty-years of doing the limbo! My back is KILLING me! If I had a mouth, at least I could take a pain killer.”
“Ha! We have leaves and you’re all bald! Nope, nothing you can do about it ’cause you can’t move!”
It wasn’t until he grew up that Ralph became aware that the rumors about his dad being a giraffe were true.
“Well, Jake, I think when the Nut Hatchinsons come back next year, I’m going to raise the rent on the penthouse.”
“Hey, any of you guys ever get a gnawing pain in your belly?”


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Born and raised on a farm near Brockville, Ontario, Mark Bierman's childhood consisted of chores, riding horses, snowmobile races across open fields, fishing trips to a local lake, and many other outdoor adventures. He was also an avid reader of both fiction and non. Transitioning towards adulthood also meant moving from the farm and into large urban areas that introduced this country boy to life in the big cities. After a short stint as a private investigator, he moved into the role of Correctional Officer, working at both Millhaven Institution and Kingston Penitentiary, until it closed.

38 thoughts on “What if Trees could think and Talk?”

  1. Hi Mark, Dad and I loved your blog. Such an imagination you have!!
    And yes, I believe trees can talk, I just never thought about it before.
    Now I will! Lol

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  2. Yesterday, we visited an original jungle of beech trees called Hainich, one of the few still existing real woods in Europe. When you touch these trees carefully, you may feel a rural power, the language of plants is different, nothing which you can really hear ….

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  3. Pecking away at the keyboard made me smile, Mark. I have not heard that one in awhile. I have heard how a scavenger hunt is the thing this year. Good point on the glow tape. I will message my daughter with this tip.

    I went to a course many years ago where part of it was on managing stress. We were told to pretend we are a tree. At the time I thought it was a silly premise. It is the only thing I now remember from that course. Great photos, Mark. And, yes, if trees could talk.

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