A Haircut Too Far!

Okay, so let’s find a large cardboard box to climb into and imagine it’s the DeLorean from Back To The Future. Those of you with artistic tendencies may opt for detailing the exterior to mimic the real thing. That’s fine with me.

Now, we’ll set the dial for the not-so-distant date of yesterday! Twenty-four hours ago, my COVID19 hairstyle resembled a shave brush. Yes, it grows straight up and out.

Enough was enough and on a recent trip to town, I had Tanya pick up hair clippers.

About an hour later, seated on a lawn chair on the back deck, with pedestal mirror in hand, I commenced my first-ever self-propelled haircut. Now, this skull rug is no stranger to the clippers, but they’re usually handled by a professional.

I shrugged off the clipper guides and went bare blade. Who cares in this new reality? It could be two moons before my next shearing.

I dug in deep and soon clumps of hair, with far too much gray, tumble weeded across the deck, entangling any unfortunate insect that crossed its path.

Our youngest daughter came out to observe and uttered the words every father “wants” to hear. “Dad, you look creepy!”

A courageous youngster, she pushed her disgust aside and offered to help, which I took gratefully. She worked the back, but eventually proclaimed it hopeless and suggested Tanya finish the job.

I must say the pruning was most liberating! I swear I’ve developed a sixth sense; I mean, I can feel everything! The last time I was this bald, my behind was wrapped in diapers.

My head is now an organic weather satellite, at one with the jet streams. I’m certain that no butterfly can pass above without my detection.

Proud of the newly acquired ability, I went to peacock my new look to our oldest. If I’d entered her room with my nose cut off, her face would have betrayed less horror.

Humbled, I exited quickly, but not before I heard her whisper these words to her classmates on Zoom. “My Dad just cut his hair and it’s frightening!”

Oh well, hair grows back and I’m saving on shampoo.

In the meantime, I’m grateful to the professional folks at North Shore Construction for gifting me with the perfect shame saver.




The remedy!

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Born and raised on a farm near Brockville, Ontario, Mark Bierman's childhood consisted of chores, riding horses, snowmobile races across open fields, fishing trips to a local lake, and many other outdoor adventures. He was also an avid reader of both fiction and non. Transitioning towards adulthood also meant moving from the farm and into large urban areas that introduced this country boy to life in the big cities. After a short stint as a private investigator, he moved into the role of Correctional Officer, working at both Millhaven Institution and Kingston Penitentiary, until it closed.

36 thoughts on “A Haircut Too Far!”

  1. Hi Mark, Haircuts seem to be an issue lately. I have tackled my bangs a few times, but nothing else. My husband won’t let me near him with scissors. “Creepy” from your daughter made me smile. And, yes, courageous. Like you say, Mark, “liberating.” It’s a win!

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  2. Haha, Mark, I have seen a few interesting haircuts lately. My dad took the clippers to my son, Michael’s, hair on Saturday. He also didn’t use the shield. Thank goodness, we stopped him after he shaved the back, and Mike still has hair on top of his head.


    1. Thank you, Olga. Th problem is the top of the head, not shown, is patchy. My girls are not used to my hair being this short. It does feel comfortable, though. 🙂


  3. I couldn’t help but laugh, Mark. I suspect you are not alone with your new cut. Great story of your response to the quarantine! 😀

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  4. “Hair grows back and I’m saving on shampoo.” That’s an optimist would say! It looks good on you though! As for me, my hair is a combination of long surfer hair and a lion king.

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  5. I must say that I did the same thing about two weeks ago, Mark … and it has never felt better. I even think I’ll stay this way, after all, it’s only hair and what grows back can be shorn again. Good post …

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