Okay, so let’s find a large cardboard box to climb into and imagine it’s the DeLorean from Back To The Future. Those of you with artistic tendencies may opt for detailing the exterior to mimic the real thing. That’s fine with me.
Now, we’ll set the dial for the not-so-distant date of yesterday! Twenty-four hours ago, my COVID19 hairstyle resembled a shave brush. Yes, it grows straight up and out.
Enough was enough and on a recent trip to town, I had Tanya pick up hair clippers.
About an hour later, seated on a lawn chair on the back deck, with pedestal mirror in hand, I commenced my first-ever self-propelled haircut. Now, this skull rug is no stranger to the clippers, but they’re usually handled by a professional.
I shrugged off the clipper guides and went bare blade. Who cares in this new reality? It could be two moons before my next shearing.
I dug in deep and soon clumps of hair, with far too much gray, tumble weeded across the deck, entangling any unfortunate insect that crossed its path.
Our youngest daughter came out to observe and uttered the words every father “wants” to hear. “Dad, you look creepy!”
A courageous youngster, she pushed her disgust aside and offered to help, which I took gratefully. She worked the back, but eventually proclaimed it hopeless and suggested Tanya finish the job.
I must say the pruning was most liberating! I swear I’ve developed a sixth sense; I mean, I can feel everything! The last time I was this bald, my behind was wrapped in diapers.
My head is now an organic weather satellite, at one with the jet streams. I’m certain that no butterfly can pass above without my detection.
Proud of the newly acquired ability, I went to peacock my new look to our oldest. If I’d entered her room with my nose cut off, her face would have betrayed less horror.
Humbled, I exited quickly, but not before I heard her whisper these words to her classmates on Zoom. “My Dad just cut his hair and it’s frightening!”
Oh well, hair grows back and I’m saving on shampoo.
In the meantime, I’m grateful to the professional folks at North Shore Construction for gifting me with the perfect shame saver.